Resilience: What is it And How to Deal with Trauma?

Divorce, grief, dismissal … Resilience allows you to recover after a trauma.

Resilience, what is it?

Originally, the word “resilience” came from … metallurgy. A “resilient” metal is a metal that is able to return to its original shape after a shock.

Resilience (on the personal development side, this time) is exactly that: an ability to bounce back, to take charge of one’s life, to start moving forward after a hard blow – the death of a loved one, a dismissal, the diagnosis of an illness, a difficult divorce …

The notion was born in the 1950s thanks to an American, Emmy Werner. This psychologist observed street children in Hawaii and realized that, if some suffered their situation, others managed to (re) build themselves despite the difficulties.

Resilience, what is it for? Clearly, resilience consists in becoming aware of the difficult moments that we have lived, in accepting them as part of our history and above all … in “digesting” the emotions aroused by these traumatic events.

People who are not resilient will keep their hard knocks through their throats for years. They will continue to ask themselves questions (What should I have done? Why me? What? did I do wrong?) and “brood over” their negative emotions. The problem is that this victim status has a direct impact on daily life: one can notably observe physical disorders, such as chronic pain.

How to develop your resilience?

On a daily basis, we are subjected to constant pressures and the feeling of security is rare: we have the impression that today “hard knocks” are more frequent than 20 or 50 years ago – especially in the world of work.

Furthermore, we live in a world where you have to “be strong”: in the face of trauma, we are told to move forward, to pretend everything is fine. It’s a mistake that can spoil everyday life!

Good news: resilience has to be worked on. To develop your resilience, it is necessary to get out of the whirlwind of your emotions, and it’s a step back that is difficult to achieve alone!

Two exercises to (start to) develop resilience:

Every morning and night, make a list of 3 things for which you are grateful. For example: “I am happy with this good dessert that I ate at noon”, “I thank my neighbor for the coffee shared this afternoon”, “I am grateful for this interesting TV show that I looked at “…

List 350 positive things in your life – sure, that’s a long time, but you can spend several weeks doing it! Be as specific as possible: instead of writing “my children”, write “my children, especially when …” or “my children, because …”.

When we find ourselves in a difficult period, the brain switches to “negative mode “. We become blind to all these things that make life pleasant and we forget that in reality we have plenty of resources. to rebound. The objective of these exercises is to bring back the positive!

Resilience can be developed at any age – from the age of 3, as soon as the child is able to say “thank you”.

One last word ? “Resilience is a toolbox” which helps us to descend less low and for less time in the event of a hard blow to life …

Reference: https://positivepsychology.com/stress-resilience/