Strengthen self-esteem to get up after a breakup, practice gratitude to be positive despite a separation, or chase away parasitic and negative thoughts to get better: discover the effective exercises, to do at home, to boost your morale and move forward!
Boost self-esteem after a breakup!
What are the strengths you can rely on? Being aware of this will allow you to regain control of yourself in difficult situations, following a breakup, or a divorce.
Select from the list below the strengths of character to which you are closest. Let go! Don’t tamper with yourself.
- Impartiality, equity and justice. Treating people fairly is one of your enduring principles. You don’t let your personal feelings influence your decisions about others, you give everyone a chance.
- Kindness and generosity. You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to render a service. You like to do good deeds for people, even when you don’t know them well.
- Honesty, integrity and sincerity. You are a decent person, not only are you telling the truth, but you are living your life in a sincere and genuine way. You know how to keep your feet on the ground and that without pretension; you are a “real” person.
- Sorry. You forgive those who have wronged you. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is forgiveness, not revenge.
- Gratitude. You are aware of the good things that happen to you and you never consider them due to you. Your friends and family know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.
- Citizenship, teamwork and loyalty. You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated comrade, you always do your part of the job and you work hard for the success of the group.
- Humor and playfulness. You like to laugh and tease. It is important for you to bring joy and good humor. You try to see the bright side of every situation.
- Leadership (ability to lead). You are good at leading: encouraging a group to do what they have to do and maintaining harmony within that group by making everyone feel included. You are good at organizing activities and making sure they run smoothly.
- Love of study and learning. You love to learn new things, whether in a classroom or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, museums. Wherever you are, you find the opportunity to learn.
- Recognition of beauty. You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence and / or skillful performance in all walks of life, from nature to the arts, math, science and everyday life.
- Ability to love and be loved. You value intimate relationships with others, especially those in which trust and care are reciprocal. The people you feel closest to are those who feel close to you.
- Attendance, diligence and perseverance. Whatever the project, you “get the job done” in the shortest possible time. You don’t get distracted from working and get satisfaction from getting things done.
- Social intelligence. You are aware of other people’s feelings and what motivates them, you know how to fit into different social settings and you know how to make others feel comfortable.
- Courage and valor. You are a courageous person who does not shy away from threat, challenge, difficulty or pain. You speak up for what is right, even if there is resistance. You act according to your convictions.
- Joy of life, enthusiasm, vigor and energy. Whatever task is assigned to you, you approach it with passion and energy. You don’t do things halfway and you don’t do anything half-heartedly. For you, life is an adventure.
- Creativity, ingenuity and sincerity. Thinking of new ways of doing things is an integral part of who you are. You don’t just do things the conventional way if a better way is possible.
- Curiosity and interest in the world. You are interested in everything. You always ask questions. You find all subjects and subjects fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.Discernment, critical thinking and openness. Thinking about things well and considering all aspects of them are important parts of your personality. You do not jump to conclusions and rely only on reliable indications to make your decisions.
- Modesty and humility. You don’t try to be in the spotlight and prefer to let your actions speak for themselves. You don’t see yourself as someone special and others recognize and value your modesty.
- Hope, optimism and anticipation of the future. You expect the best in the times to come and you are working to get there. You believe in the fact that the future is something you control.
- Caution, prudence and discretion. You are a prudent person and your choices are therefore prudent choices. You don’t do or say things that you might later regret.
- Perspective. Although you don’t think of yourself as wise, your friends do. They value your ability to look back on things and look to you when they need advice. You have a way of looking at things that seems as logical to others as it does to yourself.
- Self-control and self-regulation. You are consciously in control of what you feel and what you do. You are disciplined. You control your appetites and your emotions, not the other way around.
- Spirituality, religiosity, purpose in life and faith. You have strong and consistent beliefs about the purpose of the universe and the higher power that governs it. You know your place within the greater purpose. Your beliefs are at the origin of your actions and are a source of well-being / comfort for you.
Now write down the top 5 most important character strengths, the ones that characterize you the best. Use them whenever you need them.
Practice gratitude, chase negative thoughts and boost morale!
Practicing gratitude is mandatory in the event of separation! After a daily practice of 21 consecutive days, you will naturally manufacture dopamine and serotonin, the two hormones of happiness. They are essential to help you recover during this difficult time. They will boost you. There are several possible methods, choose the method that suits you best.
The gratitude notebook!
You need to equip your nightstand with a gratitude book. Each night, the last thing you will do before you turn off all light sources and fall asleep is write down the three most beautiful things that have happened to you during the day.
Describe the reasons for this choice, why these events deserve to be in your gratitude notebook. I know that at the start of the separation, it is not easy! Think of simple events: a sunrise or a sunset, a colleague who made a joke, the smile of one of your children, a good meal, a change of cooking recipe, an effective part of your day … Don’t forget to write down a few words about the reasons for your choice.
The exchange of gratitude!
If you are not comfortable with writing, you can also chat over the evening meal about three pleasant events that happened to you during the day and explain why you made this choice. You will quickly notice the contagion of gratitude! Gratitude is communicative.
Make a commitment to do this every night, even when you are alone, not fit enough, deeply sad, and not believing in any noticeable change in your life.
Do not hesitate to combine methods. The more you practice, the more pleasure hormones you make, the better off you will be. It’s still amazing that you can do yourself good naturally, right?
Plus, practicing gratitude decreases stress. Finally, this practice of gratitude (especially written) has a magical power: over time, it will show you your progress, your advancements. You will have fun: immediate result of the virtuous and fantastic circle of gratitude!
Anger, sadness, betrayal … Get rid of unpleasant and negative emotions to get better!
In this exercise, it’s about taming the loss, dealing with sadness, but also working on feelings of anger, guilt, betrayal, confusion … Work on the following points, in order or the disorder.
Tame the loss!
Write down everything that hurts you, everything you have lost, and not just the material. Think about your fallen dreams, your lost hopes.
Example: waste of time, loss of energy, all the emotions that you put in this relationship.
Manage the sadness that invades you day and night!
Eliminate that bad companion that keeps coming into your life. This emotion is tenacious, it varies in intensity according to the times of the day, the events, sometimes coming like a shock wave, sometimes just accompanying, it stays there.
We are going to chase it away! Start by identifying your moments of sadness. Note your reaction. For each of these events, what could you have done instead? What small actions should you have taken? Even a very small …
Example: leaving your home, going for a walk, even if it is crying! Someday very soon, you will do it without crying.
Identify your anger!
Anger is of course a legitimate emotion. You have to learn to identify it. This is essential because it will save you a lot of mistakes, bad decisions, badly calibrated choices. Anger is one of the emotions that sustains sadness.
It is also dangerous and pernicious, because if you do not treat it you risk killing it all your life. It can become an unconscious way of life. Finally, anger only requires one thing: to be nurtured in order to grow!
Write down all the things your ex says or does that annoy you, provoke that anger. Opposite, write down the behavior you should adopt to stay more Zen. Over time, adopt the behaviors you are defining.
Whenever anger builds up and you don’t have any notebooks nearby, write down on a piece of paper the object of your anger and everything it causes in you. Write the hardest, darkest things. Read them once again aloud and burn the paper.
Free yourself from the guilt!
It encompasses your “what if …”, “if only …”. It allows questions to loop through your head. Remember, you are human. To free yourself from the guilt, take a piece of paper and write your best letter of apology.
Let go! Think this will be the last chance you have to apologize. When you’re done, read it aloud and burn it.
Relieve your sense of betrayal!
Whether the breach is violent or by mutual agreement, the moral or written contract has been broken. Betrayal is all of your questions, mostly starting with the “why” and “what did I do too much (or not enough) …”.
It is fundamental to relieve so as not to handicap your future capacities to be able to trust again and avoid doubt. This is often the second trauma of your breakup. It is usually a tsunami within the tsunami.
Example: what is wrong with me? What should I have done? Once you have spoken with a trusted person (a friend, a parent, a brother, etc.), note the reality of the situation in front of your question.
The practice of positive affirmation is ideal when this emotion is rising. So order your brain to stop it either with “hitchhiking, I don’t want to think about this anymore” or with a phrase you are constructing to fight this devastating emotion.
Also, get in motion. Ideally, practice a physical, cultural, culinary activity. Whatever activity you choose, don’t do it alone. Do it with friends, acquaintances.
Allow yourself the confusion!
Confusion is the source of your disorganization, the cause of forgetfulness. It is at the root of your physical or mental incapacity, of your submersion. The best way to ease the confusion is to allow it.
You can’t do everything. Leave it a temporary place. You are human. This state will not last.
Reference: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
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