This is the latest fashionable quality that we would all need to have to improve our relationships. But before we get carried away with this umpteenth psychologizing concept, let’s try to see it a little clearer.
Criticism of Donald Trump for his lack of compassion during the coronavirus crisis, or the blame on the Dutch government for its lack of commiseration towards Italy during this same period…
Empathy, this ability to feel the feelings of others, mixture of openness, listening and understanding, now seems to be considered essential to “living together”.
Moreover, it invites itself everywhere: in politics but also at work, at the hospital, at school, in family… The word exists with us only since the 1960s but it is now on everyone’s lips.
So how can the “ability to put yourself in another’s shoes” really help us be happier? Should we see it as a simple fad or does it contain the key to better cohabitation and better understanding in society?
Talk, not argue!
Made up of the prefix “en” (in) and the Greek word “pathein” (to feel), empathy, “is the will to understand the other from the inside, while knowing that one is not there”.
A provision that can be particularly valuable during our discussions. Many family meals would be lighter if empathy was also on the menu!
There is no shortage of subjects of contention but even if everything opposes us, we can try to hear the point of view of our interlocutors, give them time to develop arguments, adopt their perspective… rather than trying at all costs to have the last word.
Empathy helps us to communicate more peacefully, to avoid anger and aggression. In this sense, it makes us in any case less unhappy.
Close your mouth, open your ears!
When your spirits are low, which friend do you turn to? The most dynamic? The most experienced? The funniest? Or the one who knows how to lend an ear without feeling obliged to give you advice or to impose on you the story of the pieces of bravery of his existence, ultimately without much relation to what you have just confided to him.
As it is difficult to know how to listen to the one who is speaking to us when our reflex is above all to respond! Very often, when faced with someone in difficulty, we first seek a solution and open our box tools to repair what we think is broken, without checking whether the proposed tool is adequate …
Listening to the other is leaving him a space to express his emotions, to be himself, quite simply, which does not prevent, in a second step, to offer help.
For example, we can ask for authorization: do you want to know my opinion? Then give the floor again: what do you think? Does that mean anything to you?
Empathy helps us build bonds of trust, which are essential ingredients for our happiness.
Rejoice in good things!
With those who share our lives, mutual understanding is essential but not necessarily easy to maintain over time. At the beginning of a story, we ask a lot of questions to the other, we are interested in him, we try to understand him …
Over the years, empathy requires an effort because we often tend to refocus on oneself, to see only the things that annoy us, which do not fit in with our way of thinking.
We often think that we need to be there for each other first when the going gets tough, but let’s not forget to exercise our attentive presence during positive life events as well.
Also to practice “positive empathy” with our children (promotion, birth, move …). Even if we don’t always understand their choices, associating with their happiness will only strengthen our bond.
Those who resembles assembles!
Understanding the needs of others better is often the first step in trying to help them. During the confinement, the momentum towards the isolated people thus found new life, perhaps because, all cut off from the world and others, they were all the better able to perceive what they must have felt on a daily basis.
It therefore seems easier to us to put ourselves in the shoes of those who resemble us: people of our generation, those who have experienced trials similar to ours. Around mourning and illness, many communities are thus created which allow us to find meaning in our suffering, to feel less alone, more useful, by working for a common cause.
But who knows, in contact with these others ourselves with whom we can easily identify, we may also learn to better understand and decipher other more dissimilar ones … If taking the path of empathy does not lead us directly to happiness, it at least gives us the opportunity to become better. It’s not that bad already!
Reference: https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/empathy-it-s-about-happiness-too/
Photo de Anna Shvets provenant de Pexels
