The reaction of relatives when the victim confides in the assault suffered is decisive for what follows. How to be benevolent? What behavior to avoid? A lot of questions comes in mind!
When a victim of sexual assault or rape confides in a loved one, their reaction has a decisive impact on what happens next, especially if they are the first person to hear their story.
For the victim, confiding in them gives them an outside perspective on history, the exchange, if it is benevolent, will allow her to better understand what she has been through, to free herself through speaking and perhaps think about putting in place a means of healing.
But how to react and help her through this ordeal? What gestures or words should be avoided?
Listening to the victim of sexual violence without judging her!
When a victim of sexual assault or rape confides, it is very important not to neglect the exchange. It is essential to have confidence in herself and in her speech, not to pass judgment or to let doubts shine.
To believe the victim is precisely to take away this feeling of guilt. The victim feels like she have some responsibility. She wonders why the assailant has come after her in particular. She has a bad image of herself, of others and / or of the world.
Confidence will allow her to get out of that, that guilt and that feeling of shame too. She will realize that she is not responsible through the gaze of the other. This is the first step in healing.
Take into account the moment between aggression and confidence!
The reaction of a loved one differs whether the assault takes place just before the confession or months or even years afterwards. For reasons of physical and mental health, it is better for the victim to confide in quickly.
A few hours or days after the assault, she should be offered tests to check for sexually transmitted infections, and others to check for lesions and beatings. The idea is to build evidence in the event that she wants to file a complaint. Even if the victim does not wish to do so at the time, She may wish to file a complaint much later.
The loved one is less in the act when the discussion is introduced years after the fact. The victim asks to be listened to and seeks help to enable her to move forward. Even though the assault has passed for years, the person probably still feels at fault. We have to free her from guilt and reassure her.
Don’t trivialize sexual assault!
Aggression should not be trivialized, whatever its nature. To say to the victim ‘it’s okay, it’s just a hand to the butt, a touch’ or ‘he does that to everyone’ is very overwhelming for her. The loved one must have confidence in what the other is feeling, be aware of their emotions. If the victim is shocked, traumatized and distressed, it is because she is deeply touched by the events.
Through the eyes of the other, the victim realizes the gravity of the facts. That’s why we shouldn’t be minimizing.
Inform her of possible legal proceedings!
The loved one cannot force a victim to file a complaint against the abuser. He can, however, inform her of the procedure to be followed and discuss it with her. Justice is not intended to be therapeutic.
Healing does not depend on the judicial outcome. Police officers, lawyers and judges ask questions for the prosecution and the defense, which helps ensure neutrality. The proceedings are long, the confrontation with the accused can be tough.
The victim is entitled to know what she will have to go through before launching. But the final decision will be up to her.
Offer therapeutic help!
It’s important for the victims to understand the impact of the past on their present. If a trauma is left untreated, it is not classified by the brain as a ‘memory’, that is, as a past event. So when the person is confronted with things that remind them of aggression, their brain relives it every time as if it was happening to them again for real.
To avoid this situation, it is important to understand the trauma and therapy can help. It can take the form of appointments with a specialized psychologist or psychiatrist, but also by talk groups, meetings with associations, EMDR, art therapy.
Reference: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-support-a-victim-of-sexual-assault-4783541
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