It’s summer! This is the perfect time to let go of our inhibiting desires for perfection, and (finally) see ourselves as we are: imperfect and great people!
What if we stop judging ourselves? Calling yourself a fool when you miss a date, failing to think about yourself in raising your children, or being too fat? What if, on the other hand, we were given the same benevolent gaze that we cast on the people we love?
So let’s try to take the pressure off and treat each other more flexibly, or even make friends. We will discover the “pleasure of being oneself”.
There is in this pleasure a peaceful satisfaction where our fragility and our vulnerability rub shoulders with our strengths, our skills and our talents. It does require changing a few habits but it’s worth it because after all, we are the person we spend the most time with in the world!
Step 1: stop sabotaging ourselves!
“What a fool!”, “Am I stupid or what ?”: these kinds of inner sentences that we inflict upon ourselves at the slightest misstep are neither offensive nor harmless. These are verbal punches, which gradually knock us out, demean us and end up affecting our self-esteem. We must therefore try to avoid them
How do we do? First, by realizing that we do not do such violence against our loved ones when they make a mistake. And for good reason: we have friendship or love for them. So let us have the same benevolence with ourselves: Feeling worthy of love is a prerequisite for treating yourself with kindness.
Step 2: lowering the bar!
We often try to be the perfect wife, mother, employee or girlfriend. Sometimes even: all four at the same time … A desire for perfection that is more crippling than motivating since, since perfection does not exist, constantly seeking it condemns us to failure or disappointment.
We try to avoid failing, but lowering the bar a little makes it possible to succeed, and success gives confidence, and self-confidence is a powerful engine of achievement.
How do we do? Rather than aiming for the moon, let’s think about our “life intention” and in particular the person we would like to be. If it is a peaceful mother, who takes time with her children, no need to struggle to achieve everything: it is better to focus on the moments spent together, the positive emotions they bring and the confidence that that. give to everyone.
Step 3: changing our outlook on oneself!
Granting yourself more benevolence and flexibility also involves changing your outlook on yourself, stopping to judge yourself. “Appreciating oneself as one is does not mean resigning oneself, but rather accepting to do with who one is.”
How do we do? We start by ceasing to fear, and to blame ourselves, for the bad weather and the failures that we go through, because it is precisely these that make us learn and move forward. To play down, the coach advises to consider them as dumbbells that resist us, and allow us to build muscle.
Step 4: we dare to be authentic!
When we ask people what is most important to them in friendship, they cite being appreciated for who they are. There is therefore no point in wanting to be formidable in all things.
How do we do ? Don’t worry! This is the mantra, radical and sovereign. Choosing authenticity, is to cultivate the courage to be imperfect and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable because we are all an alloy of forces and internal struggles.
Step 5: we encourage ourselves!
Without falling into self-congratulation, we can afford to mark our victories, or ease our difficulties, by paying each other a few compliments.
How do we do? To congratulate oneself, it encourages to continue. By adopting new behaviors, we create new patterns of connection between neurons (synapses): it is Hebb’s law which says that the repetition of an activity promotes development of the synapses necessary for this activity. So we no longer hesitate, and even if we sometimes feel ridiculous, we do not hesitate to address words of support.
Step 6: we take care of ourselves!
Taking care of ourselves, does not mean applying a few ready-made recipes for happiness to escape annoyance, but rather caring about our values, those whose respect nourishes self-esteem.
How do we do? It’s a perpetual movement, if we take action while being aware that we are doing it to take care of ourselves, and that we say no when we think so, we will be at the beginning of a journey that will nourish automatically respect ourselves. Trying to take care of ourselves is not a selfish process, quite the contrary: the more peaceful we are with oneself, the more we feel capable of taking care of those whom we love.
Step 7: we adopt the body positive!
Positive body: this is the vision behind this large-scale movement, which began in the United States two decades ago. It is aimed at anyone whose body does not correspond to the canons conveyed by advertising and the entertainment world, and who would feel self-conscious about it, in other words like any normal person!
Carried by social networks, which flood the web with images of all different bodies, it invites every woman to accept herself as she is. This positive wave has even reached the big brands since more and more of them are choosing muses in size 42 rather than filiform mannequins to represent them.
Reference: https://www.scmp.com/better-life/well-being/article/3027542/5-easy-ways-improve-your-self-esteem-boost-your-confidence
Photo de Retha Ferguson provenant de Pexels
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